I Shoulda Been A Zoologist (Or, 'The Story of the Alarm Remote')

You may remember an earlier entry about Gabriel and the alarm remote thingy. See, when somebody knocks at the front door, the first thing I have to do is reach for the little remote to press it and disengage the house alarm. Gabriel noticed this the first time and he never forgot it. So, when the second time came for me to go through the paces, as I reached out and got the remote in my hands, he immediately stopped what he was doing mid-stride, stared at my hand holding the alarm, his eyes got big and he bolted. "Aw, naw! Ah'm not gonna be 'round for some stranger to come in!" He actually learned to immediately associate the alarm remote with a visitor. This happens every time he sees me reach for it; mind you, the remote is tiny, not like a TV remote - but he still notices it.

So, I decided to teach him that this isn't such a bad thing after all. It took only two tries. On the second ... 'er 'training session', he reaches out with his paw twice and touches the remote. You will notice how he keeps craning his neck toward the stairs, ears going back and forth, anticipating nervously a visitor. But he sees no one coming and does not run away to hide anymore.

.... Maybe, ... I'll teach him to become a 'painting cat' next time... :)

[Video accompanied]

I'm Not Sure How I Did This

That's right, I'm not so sure how I did this... Because it started happening from the first or second time I used the words "belly belly" to Gabriel. Somehow, he's figured out that I mean to point out that he's got a big belly and that I think it's cute and I want to see it.... So he does "oblage" ... :))

And now... Now? I've started to use the "belly" word when he tries to pig out by the wet food bowl... The poor thing just walks away!!

(I swear, I am not giving these cats M&M's or whatever. )

[Video accompanied - seeing it is believing. ]

Like Cats, Like Men ....

I recently came across a video on YouTube which truly shocked me. It was classified under "cat fights" and showed a pair of red-orange male cats fighting ferociously on top of a metal roof. The fighting was so vicious, the video was divided into four parts... I guess because they were close to Gabriel's coloring it hit 'home' closer than I thought and anyway, it had really upset me that someone would allow such a fight to go on instead of stopping it. I posted a comment, disgusted, and got several comments in return; they all seemed to be saying the same message: "It's nature !" I thought, "how obtuse.."

Days later, as I'm fast-walking on the treadmill at the gym, my eye wanders up to the TV screen and I catch a hockey fight - two guys are at each other's throats, bodies all tangled up and down on the ice, rolling around just like the cats on the videos. Yep, it is nature. Whether it's a male cat, or a male human... or the female housewives on the reality show where they're viciously attacking one another at the dinner table. Except, in that instance, words are used in place of punches. The natural fight has morphed into a higher art form of sorts. But the words remain ...obtuse and 'natural' (whore, "vajay-jay", slut, "your whoo-hoo", etc.) So, I guess, we could easily visualize them in a down-drag-out fight on the floor, practically.

But I still think that idiot should have stopped that particular cat fight - he was videotaping from a window above them where he could have easily splashed on a bucket of water.

Klepto Kitty: Steals My Pen

She did it again... She stretched her little hot-dog long and limber body all across the night table and stuck her paw in between the books, knowing there is a coveted pen in there she so much likes to snatch. So she used her little tiny shoulder to push and pull - and got caught in the act.

Did she run? No. She just stood there and took it all in, listened to the 'choir' [that would be "mom" yelling at her... maybe "Mean Mommy" at this point]. And then she sat up, even, making herself more comfortable, eyes half closed. ("Yeah, yeah, yeah....")


[Video accompanied]

Guilty Parties

I came in fairly late in the evening yesterday and in spite of my fatigue, I became like a dog-with-a-bone ... I'd discovered that my hair barette has been missing and it is the one thing I depend on every day to keep my hair out of my face, make a ponytail, get in the shower, etc. This frekking barette, besides, had cost me almost ten dollars! I knew that Princess had succeeded in swiping it when I wasn't looking because the last time I remember seeing it was when I put it down on the coffee table as I lay on the couch about to take a ..well, cat nap. :)

So, I became dogged in finding it... The first plan of attack was to look under the stove, where other barettes had been found.. In fact, by none other than baby Princess when she arrived in the house last December. That was her first foray, to uncover my old barette from under there, even though you can't see anything unless you stick your snout down on the floor. That's what I had to do now... I sprawled all over the kitchen floor with my nose on the hardwood, looking maniacally at the one-inch gap between the stove and the floor. Nothing. Oh, but there was that fake, painted Easter egg that Princess swiped ... So with stick in my right hand I remained in this pitiful position for minutes on end, trying to get this ridiculous thing out of there anyway.

While I'm struggling in this uncomfortable and inelegant position, I feel like somebody's staring at me. I turned around. There was Princess and Gabriel together crouching side by side at the edge of the kitchen, eyes wide and totally dilated. ("Whaaat is she doing??!", Gabriel especially seemed to be thinking, extending his face toward my way.) I stared back.

"Aww, shit! She's gonna come after us! " They both bolted as soon as they saw my face...

Gabriel ran toward Princess who was under the coffee table by now and tip-touched noses ("It's okay, Pipi, I thank she's just explooreng.") He then came back to check on me ... I was still on the floor working on digging up the damn thang. He came close and looked to see 'whaat am Ah tryin' go git??'. He looked carefully all around, his curiosity peaked... ("Ah weesh Ah could help..")

No barette.. She got her big prize and I still haven't dug it out.

Ah Do Oblage

Gabriel here... You knaw, Ah've come to realize lately that Ah'm pretty much the only 'man in the house'.. So, Ah'm in charge of Pipi and Ah've got to watch out for mom too. Ah don't laike to leave the ladies alone when they're together, even when Ah'm busy, indisposed bah the big glass window "downstairs" watching for our neighbor chipmunk and that crazy squirrel. As soon as mom wakes up and starts stirring, Ah can hear them both up there so Ah abandon mah huntin' and get to them.

And so, when mom comes cawling me, sayin' "Let's go upstairs" ? Ah do oblige. Ah'll get awl ready first, balance mah self back 'n forth before Ah spring forward, you knaw? And then Ah'll look over at mom half-way up the stairs to make sure Ah'm doin the raaight thang.

Ah laike to keep everybody happy. [Video accompanied ]

(Oh, and Ah also trah to do as mom duuz every mornin' - Ah reached over and tried to use the toiler paper roll, Ah figured .. if she duuz it, theen Ah should be doin' it too... )

Lime Green Carnage

It was on a late night visit to the local Giant when I found 'Wooly-Zingy'. Something about 'him' beckoned to me as I cut the corner from one aisle to the other. He was being kept in a basket just hanging off of a shelf, along with a bunch of other stuffed small animals. I suddenly stopped in mid-step and reached over to touch and feel this wooly, lime green stuffed toy in the shape of a sheep. He had cream colored ears, paws, and snout. I stood there feeling the softness of his wooly cover against my cheek when a man my own age even, suddenly stopped as well.. He looked at me in kind of a disbelief look, there was amuzement in his eyes. I thought he actually looked good, I saw a spark in those eyes which were actually... probably ridiculing me (!) His expression beckoned a response, so I told him I just couldn't resist Wooly-Zingy - he was for my cats, anyway. "Hey! I got this for my dogs!", he reassured me. And so he left. But he came back one more time, and I am still there, in the same spot, holding Woody-Zingy up close. He looks at me again. "I really don't do this all the time...:)", I said... well, sheepishly. "Yeah, RIGHT!", he said like he could tell that I did.

So lime green Wooly-Zingy came home with me; he'd make a great toy for Princess and Gabriel, I thought. Gabriel liked him, Princess not so much. One day last week I see Gabriel trying to pick a fight with Pipi - they were both sitting facing each other and he had his front paw outstretched about to swat at her (or maybe trying to protect himself). I could tell she was tired so I said to him "Gabriel?!! Stop it!" He broke away on-command but the energy of attack had already welled up in him, what was he gonna do now?

I'll tell you what he did: He transferred it to poor Wooly-Zingy. He went right for him. He was saying: "If I'm not allowed to jump Pipi, then I'll take it out on this little lime green thang!" In the middle of the carnage Pipi jumps up to see what's going on and enters the fray. Now she was going to share in Gabriel's faux-rage... nipping at Wooly-Zingy's feet as Gabriel pulled on his ears.

And then? Then he hears a voice, "Oh nooo!.. Noo! I'm dead! Mr. Bill!" Gabriel stopped his attack to look at 'mom'... Whaa is mom sounding like this? It's as if he recognized the word "dead" ? The look on his face says it all. Video-accompanied ("Lime Green Carnage")

Tings [sic] I Like to Swipe

Personally? My chosen word would be to .. uh, "collect".. or even, hunt-and-gather. I really don't know why I keep hearing this word "klepto" lately.

Anyway, I like to hunt, pounce, and gather on especially these tings: that pink mushy-thingy just sitting there next to mom's "beddie-bye" [it's an ear plug]; that little circle I can pry off of that big water thing [cap off the water bottle - no matter how tight I squeeze it shut, she somehow pries the damn thing off!]; little 'bottle' thingy's [she swiped two travel-sized Purell bottles, have no idea where she keeps them]; that long-and-thin 'pen' thingy [a pen by the night table]; the chewable stringy-thingy [she's swiped my cell phone's USB cable.. have no idea where she's keeping that one either... She definitely is stashing some of these things somewhere in the house where I just can't find them... I should be so lucky that she's not taking my rings or other jewelry at this point.]


And then, of course, the cylinder-paper-thingy that mom actually gives me... that I keep with the rest of my normal toys in the living room.

Mom's New Trick

I think I get it now, yep. At first, I used to run away shocked and scared but now? I get it. Mom has this thing where.. she'll just start looking right at me? And raise both arms up... she looks so big when she does that, it just scares me. And now, she even curls her hands too... Well, I mean, I do run still but not as fast...and my tail goes up in the air. And then I stop, wondering just where am I really going?

I forget all about it then and come back to be with her. But just to be on the safe side, you know - I figured I'll run for a second, I mean, why does she have to raise both [arms] like that?

[Only Princess gets skittish like that... Gabriel doesn't respond to my scare-crow act. ]

Temper Tantrum In-Secret

Mom came in the other night again through the usual way. I looked all over the bags she brought, stuck my nose in each one, watched her put everything away in the kitchen, and patiently continued to look her in the eye, eagerly and hopefully, for my 'nummy num'. But no such thing ever came. I became so disappointed, I just couldn't stand it anymore. I ran up the stairs first, I just didn't wanna...you know, lose it right in front of her. And then, as soon as I went up to my room? I let it rip. "Aeehhhh! ", I yelled and jumped around in a frenzy, I had to let some steam out I'm telling you, I didn't care who heard me. I guess I made such a spectacle of myself, she came up to check on me. I stopped for a moment but I was so pissed, I just jerked the other way when I saw her face, turning my back on her. I mean, enough is enough!

[That would be Princess having a temper tantrum ... discreetly. Hey, at least she didn't take it out on Gabriel! ]